Do you remember my new friend, the one who asked me to learn gun handling and go to a shooting range with him? It turned out that he wasn't really a friend after all. I haven't heard from him since that first week or so, and he hasn't responded to a message from me in about a month. I've been busy, so I haven't made a huge effort to contact him, but I have sent the random e-mail here and there and received no replies to any of them.
The last time we spoke, he told me his doctor found a heart murmur or something. He said the docs ran a bunch of tests, but he wasn't going to worry about it until they told him it was time to be concerned. When I didn't hear from him, I wondered if he was alright. All I have is his work e-mail address, and even though he's a tech junkie who connects to his work computer from everywhere he goes, including his phone, there was the slight possibility that he wasn't responding because he was missing work. I admit, I was a little concerned. Not enough to call him or go by his office, but concerned nonetheless.
But I saw him on campus today. I was riding my bike home when I saw him crossing to the sidewalk about 40 yards ahead. It took me a moment to register that it was him, and by the time I got to where he'd crossed, he'd already moved along the sidewalk a considerable distance. If I'd bumped into him naturally, I'd have spoken to him easily, but chasing him down seemed weird under the circumstances. So, I pedaled on without stopping, but now I'm really wondering what's going on.
Obviously, he doesn't want to be friends. That's fine. I don't really want to be friends with him either. It doesn't matter what his reasons are. Who would want to hang out with someone who doesn't want to hang out with them? That would hardly be a satisfying relationship. Besides, he's irresponsible and immature. This isn't sour grapes talking. His primary activities outside of work amount to smoking pot, playing video games, and going to the Bay Area to visit his folks. He's only 25. Maybe I'd just been trying to be young; I don't know. But that sort of behavior didn't suit me even when I was young.
The problem is, I loaned him some books. They aren't valuable at all, just some paperbacks. Nor are they favorites or anything. But they are mine, and I would like to have them back. My last couple of e-mails to him have been related to this issue, but he has ignored them. So, what should I do?
My posts are mostly long, rambling attempts to deal with thoughts about my life and my world. If you are interested in coming along on my stream of consciousness, maybe we will eventually get somewhere...but maybe not.
2 comments:
Ahhhh! the good old book lending question... I know they say that the phrase "neither a borrower nor a lender be" applies to money, but sometimes I think it's more applicable to books.
After being burned a couple of times, I've adopted a book lending policy that I only lend to very good friends. That way, I'll either get the book back because I see that person regularly, or, if I don't ever get it back, I'm content knowing I've "donated" it to someone I like. I also try to avoid borrowing books from people who I don't know well so that I'm not on the other end of the exchange.
My only exception to this rule is book clubs, since lending another member my book is likely to be safe because we've already made a deadline and meeting time when I'm going to get the book back.
But I'm sorry to hear your reaching out hasn't worked. Having moved recently also, I've had a couple of similar experiences. I haven't been ignored, but I've been the one always initiating contact, and it makes you start to wonder whether you should continue doing so...
I hope you at least get your books back.
Maybe threaten to tell his mom and dad? I dunno... this one is a toughie, not to mention part of the reason I hesitate to loan anything to anyone (not that that helps you now). Or how's this: I would REALLY like to borrow one or all of those books, so tell him you have a friend who needs them, and so you need them back ASAP?
But it's OK if you don't send them to me. I'll understand.
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