Short-term commitments

Have you ever heard the term "serial monogamist"? It refers to a person who is faithful to one other person while he or she is dating/married/sleeping with that person, presenting every appearance of maintaining a permanent situation. And in truth, sometimes these relationships can go on for years. But eventually, the serialist will sever the attachment, only to become embroiled in another one after a short time. Serial monogamists can be great partners if one is only looking for temporary stability and trust, but one can't base any long-term plans on them, despite all evidence to the contrary. For whatever reason, serial monogamists will eventually move on to different, albeit it not necessarily greener, pastures.

I was never a serial monogamist in the romantic sense. Oh sure, I dated various women for extended periods to the exclusion of other women, but until I met Darling Wife, I never gave any impression of a serious long-term relationship with any of them. Besides, I would often date many different women for years between these longer connections, and I went for long periods dating no one. Nope. Before I met DW, I considered myself a life-long bachelor, not a serial dater.

However, I confess that I have a track record of lengthy short-term commitments in most other aspects of my life. Three years is about average for me. Almost every job I ever held, with a couple of notable exceptions, lasted for approximately three years, give or take a few months. And every place I ever lived...? Yep... three years. You can measure out the phases of my life in three-year increments. I always thought this was because it took me a year to get used to something, another year to weary of it, and another year to find a way to change it. But whatever the reason for the cycle, each time I set up housekeeping with all of the appearances of permanent residence right up until the day I left.

After years of living this way, though, I long for a little more permanence. I want to plant a tree and watch it grown. I want to buy furniture without the thought of how I will move it a year later. I want to make an investment in a community and build lasting friendships.

Yet, the three-year itch is not easily shaken off. DW and I have lived here in CA for almost exactly three years now. As you all know, we haven't liked it beyond the first six months, but we stayed for various reasons. Now we have one more year... actually nine or ten more months. That's all. That isn't very long. But the three year period has passed, and like the mysterious migrational instincts of birds, I am struggling to stay put. Every sense within me tells me that we've been here too long. It's time to go.

We recently reworked our budget to start saving money for the move. We've also been examining potential communities in more detail. We even made arrangements to visit a few when we are back east for Christmas. All of these preparations should make me feel better, but suddenly a year seems like such a long time. You see, it's not just a year. It's a year beyond the three. And that, my friends, makes all the difference.